lothor
2007-02-20 |  | Dats Phunny pt.2 |  |
ok for those of you who liked my first one here`s another. i`ll start with a little quiz. answers at teh bottom
Hard Test: Think you`re smart? HMMMMMM...
Try this and find out. You can`t count any answer as correct unless you answer ALL parts of that question correctly. (Answers are at the end of this publication - no peeking!!)
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the team on defence and the offensive team can score without touching the ball?
5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn`t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
7. Only three words in Standard English begin with the letters "dw" and they are all common words. Name two of them.
8. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?
9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the Los Angeles Lakers?
10. There are 7 ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without getting a hit. Taking a base on balls (a walk) is one way. Name the other 6.
11. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
12. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter "S." |
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species382
99+ day(s) ago | To be very picky, the strawberry (which is not a berry at all) does not have the seeds on the outside. The seeds itself represent botanbically the fruits, while the red "berry" is not a fruit, but rather altered tissue. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strawberry
and btw, yesterday i have seen a cooking show, where they "cooked" a lettuce-risotto. http://www.vox.de/27474_rezept.php?rez_id=1578&sendung=sngn |
Pandy
99+ day(s) ago | answers weren`t there when i posted lothor, you were still spamming your own post at that stage :P |
AlphaCentauri
99+ day(s) ago | well give us a chance to answer first before you post any of them up lother... that is not fair, you are not fair... i hate you... dont ruin stuff for us like that... wahhhhhh :`( |
Acepac
99+ day(s) ago | lettuce can be sold cooked over here. we usually boil it with soups. |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | wonders if anyone read the answers at the bottom or any of the other posts by me in this thread. lol |
AlphaCentauri
99+ day(s) ago | dam i forgot sneakers :S |
AlphaCentauri
99+ day(s) ago | 1.
2.
3.
4. Cricket and basball... 2 then i guess ;-)
5. Strawberry
6.
7. Dwindle, dwell, dwarf
8. ; : . ! ? " ` - (kind of easy when you`re typing on a keyboard :D)
9. Minnesota
10.
11.
12. shoes, socks, sandles, slippers, sexy socks? |
armenia4ever
99+ day(s) ago | um for 10: you can
1: get hit by the ball (getting beaned)
2: A drop 3rd strike by the catcher
3: Catcher interference, The batter is awarded first base
4: If a fielder makes an error, the batter can sometimes make it to first base safely.
5: a Fileders choice. ( feilder gets the out at second instead of fist)
6:
2: |
EvilAbadayos
99+ day(s) ago | 1: no idea
2: no idea
3: potato ??
4 no idea
5: strawberry
6: bottle is placed over the pear b4 it starts to grow ripe. once its ripened the stem is cut with teh now ripe pear inside the bottle
7: dwarf ??
8: question mark, commer, fullstop, exlimation mark, hyphen, coeln, semi colon
9: no idea
10 no idea
11lettuce
12: shoe sock sandle |
EvilPandy
99+ day(s) ago | 1. chess.
2 -
3 silverbeet and no clue other one
4. -
5 strawberry
6-
7 - dwell, dweller, dwelling, dwarf, dwindle
8 comma, semi colon , colon, full stop, inverted commas, inverted brackets, exclamation mark, question mark, hyphen
9 -
10 -
1 pumpkin
12 socks, sandals, slippers ----- nfi |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | And of course due to the way this forum posts some parts you have to read the part below first. well enjoy :J) |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven`t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don`t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn`t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You`re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't #9 on this list. |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | The Three Little Pigs T
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter came and took their drink order." I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggy. "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy. The drinks were brought out and the waiter took their orders for dinner. "I want a nice big steak," said the first piggy. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert. "I want a banana split," said the first piggy. "I want a cheesecake," said the second piggy. "I want beer, lots and lots of beer," exclaimed the third little piggy. "Pardon me for asking," said the waiter to the third little piggy," But why have you only ordered beer all evening? "The third piggy says - "Well, somebody has to go' Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!' |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
I will not swat my human`s head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.
Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.
I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched the X-Files.
I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."
I will not perch on my human`s chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.
I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.
If I must claw my human I will l not do it in such a way that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.
If I must give a present to my human guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live bug, even if it isn`t as tasty. |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | Cats!!!!
Received from E. Crouse via email (for all you cat lovers out there!!)
My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I`m getting plenty of roughage.
I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)
I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
I will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans` bed while they`re trying to sleep.
I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out
of my fur.
If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door. |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | I`d like to call up someone in authority to report what`s going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they`ve printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!
And, when did they start letting kids become policemen? All I can do is pass along this warning: We are under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.
PS: This was sent to me by Tammy Crawford in a larger font size, because something has caused her computer`s regular fonts to be smaller than they once were. (She believes they must be sneaking to her house and messing around with her computer. Probably CIA....!!!) Pretty scary stuff huh? |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | We Must Get This Stopped Immediately!
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper? Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street has become! This extension work was apparently done at night!! Very sneaky stuff..
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the youngsters. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they`re red in the face! What do they think I am - a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day, and she has aged so much that she didn`t even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection ........Well, REALLY NOW- even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You`re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the highway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 32 pair of pants 42, or a medium shirt as `extra large? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and neck?
The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? Heck! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they`re fooling?? |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel‑good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in‑shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! `Round` is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways ‑ Chardonnay in one hand ‑ chocolate in the other body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride" |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | How to Live Well Till You Die
(Disregard all the other stuff you heard.that ain't no fun!!)
submitted by Tammy Crawford
Q: I`ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that`s it... Don`t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that`s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can`t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren`t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU`RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they`re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit‑ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit‑ups if you want a bigger stomach. |
lothor
99+ day(s) ago | 12. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s".... shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts |
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