GalacticMercenaries
2008-03-20 |  | Hellping people pass the time |  |
Q: There were three guys in a car and two of them were homo and one was straight.They were driving down the road on the way to a friends house and one of the homo guys said, "hey watch out over this hill a tree is in the middle of the road." They kept on going and sure enough when they got over the hill there was a tree in the road. The straight guy said hey how did u know that? The homo guy said "homo guys know everything"! Well they kept on going and the other homo guy siad hey watch out there is a stop sign around this corner u need to slow down. They turned the corner and sure enought there was a stop sign the straight guy said WOW how did u know that? The homo guy said, "homo guys know everything!" Well then they were going over this hill and the homo guy said, "there is a police over this hill be careful" and sure enough there was police there the straight guy said, "ok how in the world did u know that?" The homo guy replied, "I told u homo guys know everything" They finally got to the friends house and they went to the door and they pressed the you know, whats it called ,the thing thats on the door?
A: Doorbell (See I told you homo guys do know everything!
There were three people that got stranded on a desert island from a plane crash.... two brunettes and one blonde. They were found by a magic genie and were granted three wishes. The first brunette wished she was off the island and back at her house with her family. The second brunette said she wished she was with her family at her house also. And the blonde said, "Gee I`m getting bored... I wish they were back here with me!" |
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GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | ENJOY ^_^ |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | Two blondes were walking in the forest when they stumbled upon a pair of tracks. The first blonde said that they were deer tracks, but the second said that they were wolf tracks. They then started arguing. Ten minutes later, they got hit by a train.
There was a blonde driver and a blonde police officer, the blonde was speeding so the blonde officer pulled the blonde driver over. the officer said, "let me see your license plaese" The driver said, "I dont know what that looks like. "So the officer told her to pull out a square thing that looks like the blonde driver. The driver pulls out her mirror and hands it to the officer. The officer said, I wouldnt have pulled you over if I had known you were a cop!!
There were 100 blonds and 1 brunette stranded on a rope 38 ft. high off a cliff. All of the blonds are arguing who should fall first. Finally the brunette said, "I`ll go, but first I want to make a speach on teamwork." After the speach was over all the blonds clapped and fell down the cliff.
There are these two sisters, a blonde and brunette. The brunette has $500 to spend. She saw a sign that said: Bull $499. So she bought it and had a dollar left over. So she decided to send her sister a telegram to tell her that she needed her to bring the bull home . So she asked to send a telegram the man said it costs $1 a word . so the brunete has to think of one word to tell her sister to come and bring the bull home. She was thinking a long time when she wrote the word "comfortable" down. The man asked why she had wrote that down, she said her sister was a blonde and read everything by syllables. |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | A duck walks into a store and goes up to the manager and says "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager says "No, we don`t have any quackas" So the duck leaves. The next day he comes back and goes up to the manager and says "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager says "No, we don`t have any quackas" so once again the duck leaves. He comes back 4 the thrid time and says "Do you have any quackas?" and the manager says "No we don`t have any quackas and the next time you come here asking for quackas I`m gona staple your feet to my desk!" So the duck leaves. A few days later the duck comes back and asks the manager "Do you have any staples?" and the manager says "NO, we don`t have any staples" Then the duck says "Do you have any quackas?"
Three construction workers are eating lunch theres a German man, a China man and a Canadian man ... the China man says if i get hot-dogs one more time for lunch IM going to jump off that building!...the Canadian man says if i get hamburgers one more time IM going to jump off too!...and the German also says...if i get a peanut butter sandwich i am jumping too!...so the next day they all got the same lunch..and the China guy jumped off the building...and so did the Canadian...as well as the German...at the scene all their spouses were there. . the China mans wife said ...if i had only known ,i would have made him somthing else(sob)...the canadians wife said the same..and the German`s wife said..I can`t believe he did that he makes his own lunch! |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | This guy lived next door to a blond. One day he saw her come out and check her mail, when she had saw there was nothing in her mailbox,she stormed off. The next day he was mowing his grass and saw her come out again, she checked her mail and stormed off , she looked even more mad then the day before. The next day he decided to go ask her whats wrong. so he went and rang her doorbell and said `excuse me miss, why are you so mad?`..she replied..`my computer keeps on saying "you`ve got mail"
There were 2 blondes in line for heaven. They got bored so one blond asked the other blond how she died and she says, "I froze to death." so she goes, "well how did u die?" and she said, "well I heared that my husband was cheating on me so I went around the house looking for clues, I went form the atic all the way down to the basement and that is where I had a heart attack." the blond goes, "well if you would of looked in the freezer we both would be alive!"
A blonde is a sales clerk of a store and as she stands behind the counter, a robber walks in and says "give me your all your money" and the blonde replies "but that gun only cost $150 and i need the receipt for you to return it" |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | A blond walks in two a store and says,"I want to buy this tv" and the clerk says," No blonds allowed in my store." So she goes home and dyes here hair green and goes back and says, "I want to buy this tv" the clerk again says, "No blonds in my store." So the blond goes home and dyes here hair purple then she goes back to the store and says, "I want to but this tv" well the clerk again says,"no blonds allowed in my store." The blond, which is now purple, says,"Iim not a blond" and the clerk says, "then why are you asking for a tv and holding a microwave?"
One day a blond decides to go ice fishing. She goes to the ice park and sets down her stool. As shes getting her pole ready, she hears "there are no fish under the ice!". Startled the blond goes to another part of the pond. but again she hears "there are no fish under the ice!". This happens again and
finally she asks "God, is that you?!?"........"no its the ice rink manager!"
A blonde sees a brunette screaming out 1,000, so the blonde decides to do the same. All of a sudden a car comes toward the blonde and brunette. The brunette moves and the blonde gets run over. Then another blonde sees a brunette screaming out 1,001... |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | One day a church was really crowded, and in the middle of the church rose the devil. Everyone ran except this old man who was sitting in the very front. the devil walks up to him and asks do you know who I am. the old man goes ya. The devil asks your not afraid of me. The old man goes no, I have been maried to your sister for 32 years!
A blonde wants a pair of alligator boots, but they`re too expensive so she decides to catch her own alligator. A cop sees the blonde in the swamp and asks her what shes doing and she says that shes caught 5 alligators now, and just her luck none of them were wearing boots!
One day this kid and his dad were in a store wating to check out and the kid noticed a huge women in front of him that had a beeper. The beeper started to go off and the kid looked up at his dad and says Watch out! Shes about to back up!
A blonde walk into a doctor`s office and says "when i touch my arm it hurts, and when i touch my stomach it hurts, and now that i think of it when i touch my foot it hurts really bad"
The doctor took an x-ray of her and said "well the reason why your body parts is hurting is because your finger is broken" |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | There is a Jewish family, a wife, a husband, and a mother in -law. One day, they decide to travel to the holy lands. While praying in the temple, the mother in-law passes away. Coincidentally, a caretaker passes by and says that the family can bury her here or send the body back to America. To bury her in the holy lands, it will cost $5,000 and to send her to America will cost $10,000. After a few minutes of thinking, the husband finaly says, " I think we`ll send her back home." Shocked the caretaker asks, "Why? It costs more money!!" The husband answers " I have heard a story about a man who was buried here and after three days he rose from the dead. I don`t wanna take any chances!!
One time there was a blonde and she was driving in her brand new corvette and she got pulled over from going to fast. So the police officer told her to please get out of the car and she did. then he drew a circle on the road and said stand in this circle and do not get out of it.So he turns around and pops her tires and she starts to laugh. Then he turns around and he smashes all of her windows and the blonde started laughing even harder. So he turns around and dents all of her doors and the blonde starts laughing hysterically and the police officer turned around and he said why are you laughing I just totaled your car. And the blonde says all the times you turned around I stepped out of the circle. |
GalacticMercenaries
99+ day(s) ago | There was a brunette a blonde and a redhead stranded on a desert island. After about two days the brunette said "I`m getting hungry and going to try and swim back to shore!" After about 15% of the way she got a cramp and died. After about another day the redhead said "Well I wonder if she made it? I`m going to try and swim back and see!" After bout 30% of the way she got a cramp and died too. The blonde finally said "If I sit on this island forever I`m going to eventually die. So I`m going to try and swim back to shore!" After about 50% of the way, she didn`t think she would make it and swam back.
A brunette and a blonde were watching the 6 0` clock news. There were two men having a race. The blonde decided to bet $5 with the brunette to see who would win. The brunette said, "How about we raise the bet to $100?" The blonde agreed and they shook. The brunette said "I already no the first guy is going to win." The blonde said "No you don`t because your not physic." At the end of the race, the first guy won and the blonde said "How did you know he was going to win?" And the brunette said "I saw the 5 0` clock news earlier. |
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