Well I have heard too many to list and cant actually recall one at the moment. Even though were all newbies at heart I do remember my last newbie act. I just went guard for the first time with only a very simple understanding of game mechanics . Every time I stepped out of dp I would lose three colonies, it was a massacre and my Idea of a pretty stack was build 10 of everything. I found myself losing in particular to one a player several times in a row named lightspeed. No matter what I did I lost and I must have fought him 20-25 times in a matter of hours so I pmed him finally and...... wait for it.....here it is the last newbie quote I ever said " can you teach me to guard stack "? He simply replied keep fighting and you will learn, I replied " I cant wait that long im losing real bad here ". He laughed and directed me to a player who gave me some insight on how to get started. She was instrumental and it was from then on I was determined to never allow myself to be defeated in the face of despair ever again in gc. I stayed up late for hours at a time over the next few years crunching numbers, running figures and writting notes on how to be better, studying battle reports and learning from every guard I could.
Anyway enough old stories the bottom line is we were all newbies at one point and its important to remember that new players although made fun of sometimes do to ignorance or bad translation are the life source of gc its what started it all.
Besides their will always be a player with a better stack, whos smarter, faster, more cunning than you on any givin day so in the end we revisit our roots so to speak in the great garden that is newbiedom.