how to survive a zombie

Seems very inefficient Pizza..... maybe you could just keep small children with you to feed them while you escape.

*** WELL they are all non existant but ultimate zombies cross the line from the world of unicors and our world.

You know what the funny thing is.... Biologically a ultimate zombie is non existant, a more realistic version would be a slow zombie .

Ultimate Zombies - Yet another form of RMZs. While Regenerators are focused on recovering, Ultimate Zombies take the opposite evolutionary path; not getting hurt in the first place. These will possess armor like skin or scales, super-human speed and jumping capability, and large, powerful claws capable of cutting someone in half with a single well-aimed swipe. As eyes are a weak point of nearly anything that has them, Ultimate Zombies will have none. Instead, they will have a greatly evolved sense of smell and hearing. They are properly named, as fighting one of these will be the ultimate test of survivor during the zombie apocalypse. Advice - Get the fck out of dodge! If you even hear rumor of one of these things in your area, it`s time to pack up and move out. Your barricades won`t mean sht to something capable of punching a hole in the side of a tank. What do you do if you are unfortunate enough to come face to face with one of these bad ases? A powerful magnum or shotgun might slow him down, but armor-piercing rounds and explosives are the way to go. Aim for the heart, their head will be extra fortified in response to virtually every other zombie having their brain targeted. Escape should always be your number one priority when facing these monstrosities, unless equip better than the military in the appropriate weapons. Then it is up to you as a defender of humanity to put it down before many more countless lives can fall to the hand of this nearly unstoppable foe.


That is all for my zombie apocalypse guide. I hope that you will never have to use it, but if you do, you will be glad you did.

Rapid Mutation Zombies - As the zombie virus is permanent, it will likely become directly linked to the host`s DNA. If the virus` rate of evolution is some how applied to the host`s own DNA, this will mean the possibility that some zombies will not decay at all, but rather be re-wired so that they live as flesh-eaters rather than decaying as the walking dead. If the evolutionary process is left unchecked (due to not being killed), this could lead to entirely new species. Some expected changes would be resistance to pain (which the undead would already have, but living zombies wouldn`t normally have), improved agility and flexibility, and a rate of recover mirroring the virus cells. Advice - Since there is no telling what you will be up against when facing one of these tyrants, the best advice is shoot, slice and bash until not even their mother could identify them. Let`s face it, you Can`t be too careful when you are up against something that can evolve faster than you can change your underwear when you sht yourself in fear after seeing one of these things tear a person in half.

Regenerators - An extreme version of the RMZs. These guys evolve in a similar process as RMZs, only their evolution was almost entirely based on recovering from attacks by particularly stubborn meals. Advice - This rapid regeneration that makes them such a formidable foe is also their biggest downfall. Such a high rate of regeneration is only possible through a great and constant amount of consumption. Unless you happen to keep a vat of acid handy, the best course of action is retreat. Pumping enough ammunition into one to kill a medium-sized wave of other types of zombies might get the job done, but ammo is too precious to waste on a single target that could just as easily be avoided until it can starve to death.

Zombie birds - These guys are unlikely if the only form of spread for the zombie virus is direct expose (i.e being bitten). They are simply too small to have enough left of them to function after a zombie encounter. However, if this virus is air-borne or can be distributed through the water/food supplies, these guys will take these already perilous times to a whole new level. Biggest problem? Numbers. Try fighting off a hundred flapping flesh eaters with anything less than a flamethrower and watch your flesh be pecked off one small bite at a time. Advice - Stay indoors and board up windows (even ones that you wouldn`t have boarded up other wise due to inaccessibly from humanoid zombies). When you must go outside, keep a lighter and a can of hair spray or other flammable spray ready (if previously mentioned flamethrower is not an option). Don`t run, just spray until they are all gone. A bite or two shouldn`t be enough to turn you into a zombie, and if you are keeping the fire`s course moving, they won`t get in close enough to bite anyway.

Zombie mammals - This is referring to anything infected by the zombie virus that isn`t a human. It is highly likely that humans will not be the only ones susceptible to this virus. Their characteristics will likely be some combination of of the sociopath cannibals and slow but numerous types. As animals often travel in packs already, expect more than one for any encounter. Advice - Get to high ground that requires thumbs to climb. Wait it out if possible, otherwise become a zombie safari hunter and make your bullets count. If higher ground isn`t an option, fight or flight. Judge the situation and determine whether or not you can outrun/out-maneuver them. Do this quickly however, they already made up their decision the second they saw you, fight.

Military Super Human Projects - Let`s face it, when the zombie apocalypse starts, the military is probably going to be at it`s source. Whether they created the first zombies as an attempt to create the ultimate infantry, or created them by accident but later decided it a good idea to experiment with and "perfect" zombies, possibly as anti-zombie weapons, there are some simple things you can expect from these brutes. Superior strength, superior speed, and slower rate of decay. The best weapons are one`s that do the most damage in the shortest time that outlast the competition. Super Zombies are just that. It is likely that these works of art will not be subordinate to their inferior human creators, whether be it because they lack the intelligence to obey, or have normal/above par intelligence and realize they don`t need humans. Advice - Shoot, fall back, reload, repeat. It is likely that these will work in tight units as they are trained for combat. They may possess tactic comprehension so always keep an eye out for a surprise flank and know how far to fall back before taking the time to reload. The best advice is really avoidance, stay away from strategic locations such as grocery stores and farms (that would be the ideal trap for their prey, You.). If Super Zombies exist and you must go to said locations, numbers is the golden rule. You will have your work cut out for you.

Not all zombies are alike, so preparing for any situation is key. Here are some additional tid-bits of information that come in handy when dealing with specific types of zombies.

Slow but numerous zombies - The most abundant type according to most plausible sources. These zombies are slowly decaying, and slow moving. They often travel in numbers, though it is unclear whether they are actually aware of this benefit, or they are simply traveling with previous meals. Advice - Don`t waste your ammo. These guys are unintelligent and have far inferior mobility than you. Unless your shelter is under attack, these guys pose no real threat to properly prepared survivors. Their primary meal ticket is unsuspecting civilians who are caught asleep or injured, which won`t be you if you follow this guide.

Sociopath cannibals - These zombies are not slow, nor uneducated. They are recently turned zombies that have yet to lose their motor skills and brain functionality to decay. As this stage is brief, there is rarely team work amongst them as they do not find others like them in the short amount of time they are like this. These guys are, for all extensive purposes, human, only whacked out sociopaths that want to chomp on your flesh. Advice - Here is where your bullets come in handy. Don`t try to outrun these guys, they are likely faster because they are in such a blood-lust that they would rather run them self to death than pace them self for stamina`s sake. In the words of Zombieland, don`t forget to double tap. These one`s are smart enough to play dead.

I get the Napalm - it kills all of the Un-Dead :)

Step 4 - Establish positions. Assuming the optimum number of allies is feasible (5), you will want 2 pairs of watchman. These will alternate on 12 hour shifts. 12 hours of rest may seem excessive, but the more you sleep the less you need to eat. Of the 2-man teams, one will consist of the leader (who makes the decisions, primarily in times of crisis) and a front man. The other pair will include the most trusted of the team (to prevent an overthrow attempt while the leader sleeps) and another front man. Less valuable to the whole, the front man`s job is simple. Take the lead in zombie stand offs, and hold the line while other members are falling back. The fifth member, and easily the most valuable, is a medic. While a doctor won`t stop you from becoming a flesh-eater if you are bitten, natural injuried (i.e. twisting your ankle when running from said flesh-eaters) and illness need to be taken care of. A common cold may not kill you, but being a little slower than par because of a cold might mean the difference between making it to safety and becoming dinner.

umm my parents were around 2 to 12 during the 70s

Step 3 - Know your friends. Once you have your base established and properly stocked, you will need to recruit people you can trust to help you protect it, this is for multiple reasons. You will need to sleep to improve your chance of escape if the worst case scenario becomes reality (your shelter is overrun my the flesh-eating pests), which means needing at least one person awake at all times. (If enlisting of allies is impossible or impractical, another alternative is to stay in the "safe room" previously mentioned while sleeping, but this requires a thorough inspection of the outer shelter every time you wake up). There is safety in numbers. Sure, one on one you might have the edge on brainless zombies, but your superior intelligence won`t account for much when you are faces with a small army of zombies in the later days of the apocalypse, when zombies outnumber humans 100+ to 1 and you are among the only remaining sources of food for them. Another, and possibly the most important benefit of having comrades in this most chaotic of times, is the benefit of human contact. Sanity is hard enough to keep when the world you know becomes the world you knew without being forced to face it in isolation. Balance is essential to out lasting the zombies. Having more people than you can arm and feed means a fight for resources when supplies become harder to come by. If you can supply 5 people, have 5 people. If you can supply 30 people, well, supply 5 people. No since in having more people around than necessary.

BTW Ear...it`s called a college education. <g> Amazing things one learns in college...simply amazing.

Want to make your parents blush? Ask them about what the college parties were like when they went to college. Like the saying goes...if you can remember the 70`s, you didn`t live the 70`s....

How to survive a zombie apocalypse, a comprehensive guide by Serpentofold.

Step 1 - Find shelter. This shelter should include easily barricaded (and easily un-barricaded in case of emergencies) entrances and/or hard to access entrances (as most accounts have zombies as having poor mobility). This shelter should also include areas of added protection, such as a vault-like room that can be sealed from the inside with at least 2 exits (in case your shelter is over run, which would leave you trapped inside your own grave.)

Step 2 - Supplies, supplies, supplies! I can not stress this enough, being properly stocked is the single most important rule of surviving a zombie apocalypse. This is step 2 for a reason, supplies without a place to store them is only serving to make you unnecessarily slow and immobile, giving the zombies a greater chance of catching you when you are unfortunate enough to cross one (or worse, a group). Some of the supplies you will need are as follows, non-perishable food, plenty of clean water and/or a purification system for water, and proper wear (ranging from thick but non-restricting clothes, to fast running shoes). Last, but certainly not least, weapons! You will want at least fast-shooting weapon of some kind (preferably a hand-held weapon such as a .45 for mobility) and plenty of ammo. Shotguns are good for taking down a zombie in one shot, but the weight and length of time between shots makes using it in a stand off virtually impossible. You will also want at least one blunt weapon and one bladed weapon (the blunt for stopping a zombie in it`s tracks, the bladed one for finishing the job, or visa versa depending on weapons used).

Pizza...that`s what is called a Zombie.

Now, one that outshines most and is a bit incestuous if you ask me...is an Aunt Roberta. What`s called `Sex with Aunt Roberta" is swapping out the vodka and using Everclear. And what`s called "Sex with Aunt Roberta`s Sister" ...put moonshine instead of vodka.

3 shots of vodka
2 shots absinthe
One shot brandy
1 1/2 shots gin
One shot of blackberry liqueur

Pour over ice, shake well..stand back.

hire ninja`s people can`t see them so zombies defiantly can`t see them with their motor skills